I understood myself only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself, did I know who I really was.

— Anonymous

Getting a handle on my alcohol consumption is gonna be the biggest bitch, of all. I absolutely LOVE alcohol. It’s a great way fro me to wind down and helps me relax in social situations. But, my health has bottomed out, and it’s no longer a choice. My body is telling me to get my shit together. I gotta listen. The X’s represent the fact that I made it through the day, the color indicates the kind of day it was. Unlike the Daily Diary, that has multiple colors and the days are rated 0-10, there are only three colors. Green, red, and yellow. Similar to a traffic signal. This isn’t figured out by a scoring system, like the daily entries, it’s based on straight-up feeling.

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Day 30
Day 30

I’m going to end these talks with you, Dear Diary, but if I ever feel like I need to come back here again, I will make sure that I do. It’s been very helpful, but I need for this be a normal part of my life now. I can’t keep talking about it, or it will never completely become a part of me.

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Day 29
Day 29

I’m very torn about it at the moment. Knowing that life is impermanence makes me feel like the other shoe is about to drop. But in this moment I feel good. Let’s get to the 30 day mark, and then I’ll make the decision.

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Day 28
Day 28

It’s like breaking up with someone and looking at their picture every night before you go to bed. I might need to put this diary on the back burner and only drag it out when I have a rough one or something profound to say about my sobriety.

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Day 27
Day 27

I need to tread lightly with this stuff. For now it’s helping, but I just need to make sure it doesn’t trigger the desire for the real thing.

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Day 26
Day 26

Ironically, I’m part owner in a vodka company. As a matter of fact, it was a good amount of my own stock that helped contribute to my “Awakening,” just 26 days ago. Needless to say, it’s a risky proposition, it’s not something I can just stop doing. It’s a part of my life.

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Day 25
Day 25

While technically, I’m not drinking alcohol, there is the perception of it. “The appearance of,” as my religious upbringing would call it.

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Day 24
Day 24

The biggest shift in my thinking is understanding that, I have an addiction. I’m not an addict. Addiction does not define me.

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Day 23
Day 23

The whole thing really made me realize that you really need to have a back-up plan, just in case.

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Day 22
Day 22

It was also harrowing to think that I’ve driven drunk before, and managed to escape the jailers wrath. There’ve been one too many times, where I was on the borderline of being able to pull of the journey home from the bar but made it without hurting myself or others. Trust me, I’m not proud of that fact.

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Day 21
Day 21

There’ve been a few other physical benefits I’ve noticed. But some of the ones I really wanted to fix are only slightly better, for me. It’s only been 21 days, so I’m sure that, as I get more time under my belt, they’ll start to right themselves.

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